RSA celebrates International Men's Day

Authored by RSA

We hear from men across the business on what they love about being a man in 2023.

This International Men’s Day, we reached out to a cross section of men from across the business at RSA from different backgrounds and heritages. We learnt about what ‘being a man’ means to them, and how this may have changed across their lifetime.

Many participants have found ways to challenge stereotypes, despite not always having such role models in their own lives. Every generation brings its own take on the blueprint of gender norms. We welcome the expansion of masculinity for self-expression.

David Lever, Senior Customer Experience Strategy Manager for Personal and Commercial Lines

How has your understanding of masculinity/being a man changed across your life, and what does it mean to you now?

"As a child from the Northwest, I grew up thinking the men around me were the epitome of masculinity. Hard and emotionless, without any hint of vulnerability that may be considered as weakness. Goodness knows how I didn’t turn out the same, but I guess my sexuality as a gay man had something to do with that – although it took me until the age of 24 to have the confidence to realise it! And a mum that didn’t want me to turn into one of the male stereotypes of the day.

"Today, the term masculinity feels a bit outdated and narrow, as for me you can present yourself as a man in many different ways, most of which resonate with me as simply being a really good human – just in a male body."

What is your favourite thing about being a man in 2023?

"For me, it’s about the freedom and acceptance to be whatever version of a man I want to be – and mostly! – it’s OK. The best version of me on any given day may look very different and that’s absolutely fine.

"I see representation of myself everywhere now too, as a gay man yes, but also in the other men I meet of any sexuality or gender identity that have embraced the freedom to be themselves."

Ian Rayner, Head of Business Continuity Management

How has your understanding of masculinity/being a man changed across your life and what does it mean to you now?

"Growing up, my dad was very much a working dad, whilst my mum raised us most of the time. One weekend, I remember him getting a really bad gash on his hand, having grabbed some barbed wire during a “working party” at his local fishery. There was no flinching or emotion despite his hand gushing. Fast forward 20-25 years – he had a heart attack followed by quadruple bypass surgery – and we’re all seeing a completely different man and dynamic between him and my mum.

"Almost another 20 years on, there were three generations having a chat about our great work here at RSA on menstruation to menopause. My niece said how in awe she is that she has an uncle that is involved, and my dad turned around with the biggest smile on his face. He said that this never would have been being discussed when he was at work, and expressed how brilliant he thought it is."

What is your favourite thing about being a man in 2023?

That (see my previous answer)!

Tom Whitton, Content and Social Media Manager

How has your understanding of masculinity/being a man changed across your life and what does it mean to you now?

"Growing up in the 90s, I felt there seemed to be a fixed view of masculinity, and that males generally had a preconceived idea of the sort of person they would later become. Whether this be based on experiences with their parents, guardians or other role models in their lives. However, times have quickly changed and I think men now have much more freedom to be who they want to be, and to enjoy various pastimes that might not always have been considered normal for adult males in the past (for example, my fascination with LEGO!).

"I’m proud to be who I am, but sometimes it seems the world would prefer we felt otherwise. There are some intensely negative stereotypes and examples of masculinity which can be hard not to feel tainted by, sometimes bringing with them a need to overcompensate and demonstrate that's not you.

"While there are bigger problems, and I understand why these things come about, it’s still not always easy to hear and, without immediately realising it, I often find myself carrying it around subconsciously as a burden. I don’t feel that’s fair or should be the case but, as we continue to grow into a more equal and diverse world, I believe this will alleviate over time."

Oliver Holden, UK&I Chief Information Officer

How has your understanding of masculinity/being a man changed across your life and what does it mean to you now?

"When I think of society as a whole in the 80s and 90s when I was growing up, I think male and female roles tended to be a little more stereotyped, and being a man seemed to correlate to a lack of emotion. 

"For me personally, having 'grown up', got married and having two daughters and a son, I’d say my role as a man is still quite traditional – I happen to be the breadwinner in our family, and my wife and I split the management of family life down fairly traditional lines. But there’s a need for a softer more sensitive requirement to “being a man” now than I think there was 30 or 40 years ago."

What is your favourite thing about being a man in 2023?

"Having the opportunity to be a father to my children and a husband to my wife."

Clive Wedderburn, Copywriter

How has your understanding of masculinity/being a man changed across your life and what does it mean to you now?

"My understanding of masculinity has always evolved throughout my life. I’ve always accepted that femininity and masculinity is not always a question of gender. It’s about balance and harmony, as opposed to manliness.

"I’ve travelled extensively. Some of my trips have been to countries encased in matriarchal societies. These experiences have stirred a sense of curiosity within me. I’ve asked myself 'what is the value of being a male of the species?', 'What is and isn’t my natural entitlement?'.

"Each year, as I grow older, I try to evolve further, by examining previous thoughts and by considering the changing environment in which I live. There is not a part of me that wishes to hold views that are not useful to my personal growth."

What is your favourite thing about being a man in 2023?

"The knowledge that I don’t have to pretend to be someone I am not. I can be myself and occupy my own space. I can be both feminine and masculine. And I can distance myself from behaviours of yesterday."

Tony Bough, Head of Health

How has your understanding of masculinity/being a man changed across your life and what does it mean to you now?

"My father was awesome. We shared hobbies and we were friends as well as father and son. He was a quiet man. He never used words, but instead he used actions. If I needed something fixed, it was fixed. Until the day he died. Is this why I’m only average at DIY? But we never really talked about the way we felt. He didn’t like to. When he was passing, I found it difficult to talk to him about the way I felt and I’m trained in counselling. I actually asked him to write down how he felt, and also to write messages to my kids that they could read when they got older. He did, and it's great, but as I reflect, I’m never going to do that. I’m never going to put myself in a position where I don’t tell them how much they mean to me, or what I’m thinking and feeling, because it might stop them from doing that. It isn’t what I want for them or me. 

"On an amusing note, I can reflect on my 17-year-old son balanced against 45-year-old me. He came into the kitchen the other day and told me he needed new aftershave because the current one he had was a summer scent, and due to the seasons changing he needed a winter scent. Before I defaulted to my sarcastic temperament I smiled and started to research if that was a thing. Yes, it is a thing, but seriously that’s just a rip off isn’t it? Please feel free to email me with responses on how stupid summer versus winter smells are, and of course disagree with me.    

"My reflection is that masculinity has changed. I’m an adaptive person. When I was younger, I never thought about it. As I’ve got older, I’ve noticed that masculinity can be toxic and is changing. I want to empower people. I want to have conversations and interactions with others that enliven and empower them, and never makes them feel less than they are. I also want a laugh. Also, you can’t joke your way out of bad situations, but I still try. No idea why!"

What is your favourite thing about being a man in 2023?

"Dad jokes.  I think there is a special place in the world for Dad jokes. They are there to make you smile and the world feel better. My kids tell me that even the dog doesn’t think my jokes are funny. I tell them that she’s my favourite child."